Degrees of Waiting

“Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.” Colossians 3:12-14

“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” Galatians 6:9

I am waiting. I wait for God, I wait for fellowship, I wait for knowledge, I wait for truth, I wait for my continued journey, and I wait for love. Through patience we learn our strengths and weaknesses, and we learn how to overcome obstacles that once seemed impermeable. We tend to frown upon the idea of waiting and being idle, but amongst great odds, waiting is not giving up, it is growing up. Take heed; do not wait for this life to pass you by or allow opportunities to move away; instead, wait on growth and for a change that is internal.

If we continue to be idle in the progression of our lives, we will certainly miss the moments when God reveals miracles and sets a new path before us. There is a fine line to what is acceptable to wait on and what is a sin to wait for. Working on the patience in your life can be one of the most loving acts we can show another. I know the Lord had waited on me for a long time until I came to see His face. From this, he has taught me to wait on others and wait for growth.

I am not a perfect man of God, and there some days when forget that I must bear the fruit of the Spirit. I know my faults and where my guilt lies and what might stubble my walk with Jesus. In order to persevere through my own downfalls and transgressions, I ask Him for strength and to teach me how to be a better man for His honor. I must wait on this change, for each step takes time and a leap forward has the unintended possibility of missing guidance. “Show me your ways, O LORD, teach me your paths; guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long.” Psalm 25:4-5

As I walk with God and listen to the words of Jesus, I open my eyes to other aspects of my life. I see where I am broken, lost, or confused. I see where my morals and values are righteous, but where I lack the ability to use them as my foundation. I do not feel at all that I have fallen away from His glory, nor am I roaming in the desert. I do, however, feel that poor decisions have been made on my part pertaining to the happiness of others. I also see that others have made bad poor decisions in relation to my happiness and well-being, and I made my anger an unhealthy distraction. This is why I wait for fellowship. 

I believe fellowship to be a core part of serving the Lord in this life. As I have seen relationships and friendships break apart over the years, I have learned what friendships are and how they can play a vital role in our walks with God. The best descriptions of friends I have come across are in the form of confidants, constituents and comrades. Everyone in your life whom you have spent any great amount of time with, will settle into one of these three categories; with the exception of family. To better understand the meaning of fellowship and support in our walks with God, we must take a close look into the details of who these people are.

Confidants are those who love you unconditionally. They can be defined as a person with whom one shares a secret or private matter, trusting them not to repeat it. They are “into-you”, they are there for the long haul, with you when you get yourself into trouble. They are your mentor, they feed you so you can feed someone else; they are for you, with you, confront you, they get in your “business.” These confidants weep with you, rejoice with you, pray for you, and have your trust. All leaders need them. Being able to see the Kingdom of the Lord comes with a confidant.  

You will be a very blessed soul if you have three confidants in your lifetime. If you have twelve close friends, three of them need to be confidants. They are so comfortable to be around that you act as if you do when you are alone. They know all aspects of your life. They support your dreams and fight your battles with you, even if their dreams are different. Their love for you only compares with the love God has for you. And without hesitation, you are also their confidant.

A few biblical examples of confidants are David and Jonathan, who was the son of King Saul, and the love they had for each other. See 1 Samuel 19:9-20:44 for how deep their friendship was. Jesus and Peter were confidants during Jesus’ ministry. Jesus knew and trusted Peter, but knew Peter would deny Him. In the end, Jesus knew Peter had to deny Jesus in order to learn how to be the man God intended him to be and evangelize to the world. One more example is of Paul and Barnabas, who were business partners, but separated due to a disagreement. After Paul was converted on the road to Damascus, at which point his name changed from Saul to Paul, he returned to Jerusalem as a student under Barnabas’ ministry and learned how to evangelize. As time went on, Paul became the leader of the group. Even though Paul and Barnabas had disagreements, respect kept them together in order to improve their ministry. See Acts 9 and Galatians 1.

The next type of friend is a constituent. These are people who are for what you are for, but not for you. They can be defined as being a part of a whole, who will labor with you, but will leave you for someone else that better suits their own agenda. They can be heart breakers; will use you to get them closer to their mission. You find yourself having trouble relaxing around them. Constituents can be mistaken for confidants. They are common in your life, and you will find yourself as someone’s constituent without realizing for some time. 

And the last friend to come about in your life will be a comrade. They may be there to share in your activities or are a fellow member in something you take part in, but do not be deceived; they are not for your dreams. They will team-up with you fight a greater enemy only until that enemy is defeated. They are for what you are for, but not on the same playing field. Although a comrade has use in your life, always expect them to leave you at any moment. 

When I think of comrades, I think of times when I was a “comrade.” I was envious of others, and only after laying my life at the Lord’s feet did I see the perversity of envy. Watch out for those that carry envy around you, their schemes are evil. Here is an excerpt from a book of poems by Abraham Cowley called Davideis: 

“Envy at last crawls forth from that dire throng,
Of all the direful'st; her black locks hung long,
Attir'd with curling Serpents; her pale skin
Was almost dropt from the sharp bones within,
And at her breast stuck Vipers which did prey
Upon her panting heart, both night and day
Sucking black bloud from thence, which to repaire
Both night and day they left fresh poysons there.
Her garments were deep stain'd in humane gore,
And torn by her own hands, in which she bore
A knotted whip, and bowl, that to the brim
Did with green gall, and juice of worm wood swim.
With which when she was drunk, she furious grew
And lasht herself; thus from th' accursed crew;
Envy, the worst of Fiends, herself presents;
Envy, good only when she herself torments.”

When I wait on fellowship, I find appreciation in the friends I have and the friends I lost. I have learned to pray for those people sent into my life, not taken away. Be thankful for who was there for when you needed them, do not be bitter about their absence now. Those sent into my life that helped me, encouraged, and mentored me, are a part of who I am today. From them I have found the importance to be submissive, learned to be humble myself and show respect. I have learned that equality in a friendship takes form on different levels. God does bless lives with statuses over others, but He sees fit when a status can change. Saul failed God, lost his kingdom to David and Jonathan was not envious. 

Do not be quick to judge those who God has placed in your life. They may look “fancy” on the outside, like a Cadillac with shiny rims, but could be full of trash on the inside. A big house with impressive landscaping may be intimidating from the outside, but the inside may very well be cluttered by a hoarder. Do not think you can identify a comrade from a confidant easily; relationships grow as God works in them and cleans them for the purpose they are meant to fulfill. “May the Lord direct your hearts into God's love and Christ's perseverance.”  2 Thessalonians 3:5

Through waiting on a blessed fellowship, I have been given the opportunity wait on knowledge and truth. I have watched the seasons change, the world turn, and His Word kept time and time again. As each day begins anew, I listen to His wisdom as He teaches me the meaning of my actions and influences of this world. Every detail has a glimmer of higher truth behind it; we only have to be aware of His workings behind it. “Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him; do not fret when men succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes.” Psalm 37:7

A portion of our lives is dedicated to waiting for the readiness of the path God lays ahead. This can be a trying and hard period of our lives as we allow ourselves to be blinded in a fog of the unknown. My own journey, the culmination of hiking the Triple Crown trails, growing to become the man God asks me to be, and learning how to support others, has been stressful and peaceful. As the cloud parts and the way is made visible, I almost stubble over myself with joy for what lies ahead; at which time I find the most speed bumps and unnecessary distractions. When the path is set heavy with fog and mysteries at every bend, I find triumph and success with each step. Everyone has their own walk and must understand where their strengths and weaknesses reside most. My strengths are when I’m clear that caution be the best choice. “"Enter through the narrow gate; for the gate is wide and the way is broad that leads to destruction, and there are many who enter through it.” Matthew 7:13

When we have moments to be alone, we are able to see where God is working, to know what will fit our needs. As I wait on love, I have found how to look for what I am seeking. If you are single or dating, you know what I mean. We must think we have found love, romance, intimacy, and trust to realize we were wrong. It takes time to understand these things, and too often than not, mistakes. Through the search to find love, I have discovered I cannot find who I seek if I do not love myself first. How can I accept the love of another if I am ashamed of whom I am?

And so I waited, I waited very impatiently to find who I was and to love this person I am. My own struggles made this search take much longer than it needed, but it was the way I needed to find love for myself. I ended up hating who I was and destroying myself intentionally until there was nothing left to be hated. That was when I realized God had been calling upon me the entire time. He loved me then, and He loves me now. Only through seeing His love did I rise up to become a man worthy of His love, while learning to love myself.

Finally, I wait for the last kind of love I have never felt. A love I know He wants for me. A love that is very much a part of His love for me, but through the soul of another. This love cannot be forced or rushed; it cannot be seasonal or conditional. This love will be that of a confidant, but so much more. This love is based on the same set of morals and values based upon the same laws; will be equally yoked in His name.

I have been waiting and will continue to wait. I have fought battles for this love, I have shown respect for it when no others understood. I have learned that my normal may not be the love’s normal. My mistakes may hurt and scare the love, but this love will be worth the fight. Before the Lord I ask for this love, this confidant, this unity, this intimacy. I ask that I be made perfect and clean for this love. I ask that I bear the fruit, put on the armor and be a man of God. I ask for the patience to wait. “You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised.”  Hebrews 10:36

Whatever it may be you find yourself waiting for, remember how God wants you to wait. There will be seasons and reasons for waiting, friends will come and go, your path will be over mountains and seas, but the end will be your best for His glory.

“Come to Me, all you who are weary and weighed down with heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you, and learn from Me; for I am gentle and humble in spirit. Indeed, you will surely find rest in Me! My yoke is easy, and My burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30